FALLING IN LOVE IS FOR PRIVILEGE.

 (disclaimer: this is my own personal opinion and experience, thus, you're welcomed to disagree)

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone!

Tbh, I don't have the feelings to write today, but I think this will help for me to ease those 'uneasy' feelings. Let's get straight to the point.

Falling in love is really hard. I think, falling in love is only for privileges, who have a lot of time, energy, and money with them. The context for this is not for someone who has crush on another, but it is all about falling in love and being in a relationship. And I think, it's not for me. It's easy to fall in love, but to be in a relationship, it's hard. For me. I ain't ready for that. I am not stable enough, it's hard for me to even love myself, how can I love someone else. I'm still adjusting and adapting with my new chapter of life, how can I enter another chapter that needs a big commitment? I do believe it's really my fault, when I started something that I can't finish it. I admit them. Damage done, lesson learnt (write with guilt)

Falling in love requires cost, time, energy, and emotional attachment, which I don't have any of it. That's how I start to believe that falling in love is for privilege. Sometimes I pelik, macam mana orang lain happy je in a relationship, sampai kahwin, but when it comes to me, it filled with anxious, worries. Maybe, semua tu just overthinking, tapi entahlah. That's why, benda ni senang untuk orang lain, susah untuk aku. 

But at the same time, aku terfikir jugak, if falling in love requires those things, and the other party willingly nak spend those with you, tak ke tu another privilege, yang sepatutnya kau syukuri? When there's someone who could love you unconditionally, and accept you apa adanya. When there's someone who could spend his time, cost, and energy for you?

My logical thinking starts to accept that, but my heart isn't.